You might want to categorize this under “pets and diseases.” That first word isn’t a typo. Some disfiguring plant problems have nothing to do with bugs or fungi. Some “pests” are considerably larger.

For example, if your lovely Japanese forest grass (Hakonechloa macra ‘Aureola’) is supposed to look like this.

And, instead, it looks like this.

Then the culprit likely looks something like this – your culprit (or culprits) may differ. Cats can mistake your expensive ornamental grass for common garden cat grass – and chew. Hence, “catchew” disease. Gesundheit!

Catchew is closely related to the disease that, every year, completely flattens out the middle of my ‘Walker’s Low’ catmint (Nepeta x faassenii ‘Walker’s Low’). As it comes from cats plonking themselves right on top of this fragrant plant, I call it “catnest” disease. Unlike catchew, it might actually be preventable by inserting clear plastic forks, tines upward, around the plant crown, making the “nest” far less comfy.

Having seen that trick used in a garden once, I’ve been meaning to try it. Tell me if it works.

Don’t get me started on problems with larger organisms. Like the smushed plants between us and our neighbour’s garden that result from “flyerguy” disease. That one was solved by building a path just for delivery people who cut across our yard. It’s way better than being the crazy lady who runs out yelling, “Not through the garden!” We keep the path shovelled all winter.

Ah, the things they don’t write in garden maintenance books. Any tips to add?